We all know the benefits of healing and the power it holds. Taking the time to heal has profound effects, from letting go of trauma that once weighed us down to feeling lighter in our hearts. However, one aspect that isn’t emphasized enough is that during healing, we often stop wanting the things that don’t want us. Healing means something different to everyone, but for most, healing from past experiences or relationships helps us heal internally as well. It restores our self-esteem and self-worth, especially when negative experiences have impacted how we view ourselves.
In the past, we may have thought of ourselves as unworthy or not good enough. Numerous experiences might have chipped away at our self-esteem, leading us to undervalue ourselves without fully understanding why. But clarity begins to emerge when we take the time to heal, dig deep, and untangle the emotions we’ve long avoided. We start to see ourselves not as broken or worthless but as strong, resilient, and worthy individuals. With that worthiness, we begin to recognize what is truly worth our time and energy.
Worthwhile things might include only engaging with people who respect and value us, spending time with those who bring us joy, or setting boundaries at work to prioritize our well-being. Healing shifts our perspective, allowing us to align with what truly matters.
One concept that deserves more attention is that self-love is always within us. To me, self-love is like the sunshine—always present, even when obscured by clouds. Living in London, I’m often reminded that the sun is still shining behind the grey on a cloudy day. This is how I think of self-love. We are born with it, along with a sense of self-preservation. Over time, however, experiences can cloud our self-love, worth, and value, making it seem as though it has disappeared. But I believe it’s just hidden, clouded by rejection and disappointment. When we heal, we start clearing those clouds, gradually revealing the sunshine of self-love that was always there.
This entry isn’t about how to heal or the steps to take—that will come later. Instead, it’s about the freedom that healing brings. When I began healing from the wounds caused by my family, I finally started to feel like I was enough. Although I had always been enough, I had never perceived it. My feelings were valid, but they weren’t the truth. Once I recognized my worth, my world changed. I could better identify and align myself with what I truly wanted.
The unhealed version of me accepted anything—any friend, any job, any effort from a romantic partner. I allowed poor treatment because I thought it was good enough. I didn’t necessarily believe it was what I deserved, but I accepted it because I was content with having something rather than nothing. I was blinded by the desire to be accepted and loved. When that is the priority, and I’m acting out of fear of rejection, I set myself up for more pain, deepening my wounds.
Healing taught me that I don’t have to accept the bare minimum. It taught me that I could have standards and, more importantly, that I could reject what doesn’t align with those standards. As my self-love and self-worth grew, I realized I deserved the best. I no longer tolerated people who didn’t see my value. The moment I found myself in situations where my worth wasn’t recognized, I knew I could walk away.
I also learned that not everyone deserves my time and attention. Before healing, I would go above and beyond for anyone I met, thinking that being the sweetest, kindest person would keep me liked. While kindness is a part of who I am, my actions weren’t always purely about my personality—they were also about people-pleasing to gain acceptance. Now, I understand that my self-worth isn’t dependent on making others happy. I am more conscious of who I give my energy to and the interactions I engage in.
Healing also taught me to stand up for myself and speak my truth. Once I let go of the fear of not being liked or admired, I became unapologetically vocal about my needs and boundaries. Loving myself became enough, and that confidence allowed me to express myself boldly.
And that is the message to you. You are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve the world and nothing less. Don’t settle for what makes you happy enough; don’t settle for average or mid; love yourself enough to want the things that want and love you.