Sometimes, despite our relentless efforts and long-standing dreams, we can reach a point where our progress seems stagnant, and we feel like giving up. Whether it’s manifesting a goal, perfecting a craft, or just trying to keep up with our ambitions, when things don’t unfold as quickly as we hoped, discouragement can set in.
When we feel that our efforts are going unrewarded, it’s easy to become discouraged. This discouragement can lead to feelings of hopelessness, loss, or questioning the purpose of our hard work. These emotions are entirely valid, and there may be other feelings I did not mention that you’re experiencing. When we’re in this state, we often become disconnected—not only from ourselves but also from those around us and from our core identity. This disconnection might manifest as withdrawal from social interactions or neglect of our hobbies and passions. As we distance ourselves from what once brought us joy, we might increase our reliance on distractions, like excessive screen time or binge-watching Netflix. It’s often easier to seek quick fixes for a dopamine boost rather than engage in activities that genuinely benefit our mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.
Before we delve into how to reignite your spark, it’s important to first explore the reasons why it might have faded.
One reason that resonates deeply with me is the pressure I put on myself. From childhood, I felt an overwhelming need to overperform and excel in everything I did. This drive wasn’t self-created; it stemmed from my upbringing and a constant feeling that nothing I did was ever good enough. This pressure is relentless—I achieve one goal only to immediately move on to the next, which has often led me to burnout. I recall a tarot card reading where the reader pointed out that I rarely celebrated my accomplishments. She noted that I had achieved more than most people my age, but I didn’t take the time to appreciate my own success.
This reminder to celebrate even the small victories is something I still need. I am learning to slow down and avoid putting undue pressure on myself to complete everything before hitting my 30s. Understanding this aspect of my struggle helps me recognize why I lose hope when my ambitious goals don’t materialize as quickly as I once planned.
I find that the fear of failure is quite common, which makes sense; everyone is afraid to fail, but when the fear of failure is greater than your desire and motivation to try and achieve, the spark can easily get lost amongst the crowd. When you are not quite sure something is going to work out, the doubts can creep up until they take over, and you start asking yourself if it is even worth trying.
Other factors that can contribute to losing your spark include feeling unsupported by loved ones or your community and not seeing the progress you hoped for. Additionally, life changes beyond your control—such as shifts in personal circumstances—can affect your ability to invest time, energy, or finances into your goals and dreams as you once did.
Sometimes, it is clear that you have lost that spark, and sometimes, it takes someone else to call you out.
Personally, I felt something was off with myself, but I didn’t truly realise my spark was lost until my boyfriend called me out. We were making dinner one night, and I told him I had applied for a new job. He said, ‘That’s good,’ and then smiled. I automatically knew something was up, so I reluctantly asked him what was on his mind, and after pulling it out of him because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, he told me he was concerned about me. I giggled a bit because it sounded serious, and I don’t take many things seriously.
He proceeded to tell me he felt as though I had given up on my dreams and the things I wanted because he knew that applying for jobs to work for someone else and risking getting screwed over by a new company was not in the Maria Lashe handbook. He then questioned me about the side projects I was working on and mentioned how excited I was a few months ago and how I had many ideas but hadn’t brought them up in a long time. He then called out the fact I stopped dancing, and anyone who knows me knows I will dance my heart out anywhere and everywhere.
I wasn’t hurt or upset; I was more relieved and intrigued because I was unable to identify my feelings and what I was going through. However, nothing personally summed up the reality quite like ‘you’ve given up and lost your spark’. Putting a label on my feelings truly helped me better cope with them and develop an action plan for what to do next.
Signs You’ve Lost Your Spark
Before that action plan, there were some signs that showed I had lost my spark/given up that you may recognise in yourself or in others:
- Not engaging in activities that once brought joy
- Increasing screen time or passive entertainment consumption
- Reduced communication with friends
- Discontinuing hobbies or classes you once loved
These are just a few of the signs, and once you become aware of them, you can better start to ignite the passion and the spark.
Reigniting Your Passion
So, how do you get your spark back? Here are some steps to reconnect with yourself:
I’m a huge fan of journaling and firmly believe in its benefits. When done right, journaling can be incredibly powerful. Start by writing down your feelings and thoughts—it’s a great first step. Then, ask yourself questions like, “What will it take for me to feel alive again?” or “What did it feel like when I was chasing my dreams?” Once you’ve explored those answers, dig even deeper with questions like, “What emotions do I want to experience now, and how can I achieve them?” and “What’s holding me back?” Journaling can uncover subconscious feelings you might not even realize you’re dealing with.
I’ve found that spending time in nature is incredibly grounding. Being surrounded by trees, mountains, or the ocean helps me feel a sense of relief and reassurance that everything will be okay—because it really will be.
I’ve also been on a long journey seeking a coach or mentor. My inconsistent search for one has definitely impacted my motivation to pursue my passions. A good coach or mentor can help you get back on track, realign with your goals, and find the direction you need.
Another key factor is surrounding yourself with positivity. Being around motivated, ambitious people can be a game-changer. Sometimes, our environment and social circle play a bigger role in our lives than we realize. If you’re not surrounded by go-getters or those who strive for more, it can be challenging to stay motivated yourself. This applies to everything from career goals to personal development and mastering new skills.
Share Your Experience
What strategies have worked for you in reconnecting with your passions? How have you reignited your spark? Comment below—I’d love to hear from you and learn how others have navigated their own journeys.